He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
