oh god the rape fog is back!
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
