how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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