we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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