So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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