my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
