Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
