oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
