u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
