We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
