tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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