is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
