If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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