you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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