I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I could make wine with my vomit
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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