roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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