I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
