so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
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If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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