so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
