you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
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She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sorry about my life...
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By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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