I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
