I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize