I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize