I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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