That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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