Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i believe in u and ur pee
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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