life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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