I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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