when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
