I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
