If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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