So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
