just tell him i said nine months
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
