k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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