So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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