is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
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So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
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She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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