i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
barbara walters just said penis...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
