If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
