if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
