babies were throwing up all over the place
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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