i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
