In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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