I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
