Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
