He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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