Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
