i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize