THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
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