I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
