he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
