hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
