brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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