Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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