i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
