guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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