we're chasing vodka with high fives
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
