Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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