end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS