I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌