well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
