i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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