Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
