i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
