ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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