i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
