I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
